Dear Young Newly Wedded couple,
So you finally sealed the deal …bought into the promise of happily ever after and pledged till death do you part! Now you have your whole life ahead of you! But most importantly, as you look forward to share that first moment of intimacy as a married couple, it may dawn on you that that “three letter word” ceases to be taboo anymore. However, you would admit, that as you succumb to your sexual desires and lingering passion – your premiere performance as a newly wedded couple is missing that extra thrill of adrenaline and rush of excitement that was always present during your unwedded days. Permit me to speculate – those days when you were constrained to stifled moans and groans as you explored each other’s anatomy in a sketchy rented motel room! Or perhaps you were the wise and diligent poster children for abstinence…and so this long awaited moment could potentially be a hit or miss for your raging hormones… (most probably a miss, seeing that this is all new territory for you). Well, fast forward to moment in time – in the honey moon suite (this time around in the best hotel money can buy), you now have the license to fornicate…or I guess we cannot call it that anymore…license to procreate….more like it! Congratulations are indeed in order!
Now, make sure you get your full dose of vitamin S during those honey mooning plus years because fast forward to full time jobs, kids, bills…and life as you know it…you may be singing different tunes when S.E.X is the subject at hand.
I always say that unfortunately we sometimes give marriage too much credit for what seems to be the normal trajectory of life. For instance, like a broken record, how many times have I heard some husbands lament that since they ‘put a ring on it’; they witnessed ‘the change‘ in their spouses? Or wives hoping against hope that marriage would curb some behavior of their partners that they very well cannot seem to live with! Well that change you speak of kind Sir, its called maturity…or in simple terms… growing up! And Miss Lady…what you get…is what you got! So please let’s leave marriage out of this!
Unfortunately marriage is getting a bad rap between the sheets as well. But again, here’s my two cents….the confusion lies in the couple’s gradual but inevitable diverging opinions (as life happens) of the role of sex in a marriage. Indulge me now…so let’s assume the ‘honey moon night’ as a level yard stick for measuring sexual appetite for a couple. The excitement, youthful enthusiasm, desire, passion, anxiety… all wrapped into one tumultuous ball of emotions definitely influences the couple’s take on sex in marriage. During this time, being hooked on ‘endorphins’ and baiting a throbbing under-carriage is definitely recipe for a resounding score when considering the importance of sex in a marriage and opting for a daily dose of vitamin S actually does not seem that far-fetched at all; provided your youthful strength can sustain you.
Okay let’s throw in “life happening”, the constant ups and downs of adulthood and most importantly…the big ‘R’ word…yeah I said it…RESPONSIBILITIES! At this point, what I like to call, ‘the Diminishing Returns of sex’ is inevitable. Basically we start redefining the importance of sex in the marriage and unfortunately the need to hump and holler every night becomes less of an option. However I stand corrected…I am narrating this from a woman’s point of view. If my discussions with my male counterparts is anything to go by, and my own conclusion that men think of sex all the time…not sometimes, or almost sometimes…but all the time…then the diminishing returns theory may apply more with the fairer sex!
It’s no wonder some husbands are demanding more sex…whiles some wives can’t seem to keep up with the punches. But really who can blame wives of today…they are trying to live up to the mythical Superwoman title! Today’s woman wants it all…with no compromises. She runs a great show with an “S” on her chest; however who is she fooling – with so many things going on…something is sure to fall through the cracks!
So this is not my way of providing excuses for wives when it comes to lighten it up in the bedroom….okay who am I kidding…maybe it is.. but excuse is not a fair word to use in this case. I am simply giving wives “a pass” for not wanting to fool around after a long hard day…”a pass” to fake a headache or slip into instant sleep when their partners give them that suggestive nudge or tap on the shoulder in bed…”a pass” to kick sexy to the curb and embrace comfort in bed because tonight of all nights… is just not the night!!!!
During the day, she has done it all…packing school lunches, securing homework, housekeeping, commanding boardrooms, finalizing budgets, entertaining guests, feeding the hungry, disciplining the naughty… the perfect ending undeniably is the engulfing comfort of ones bed without the added naggings of unfinished business. Saving the best for last has never sounded more untrue…At this moment, nothing sounds better than sleep therapy and a meaningful cuddle with ones bedding as opposed to hot, heavy mind blowing sex! Or she could be persuaded….
Now this disagreement can be easily settled by communication and planning – there goes spontaneity out of the window, one may think…and rightly so because unfortunately with the pressing responsibilities, being spontaneous all the time could be a tall order!
But don’t mind me, you have years to figure things out…or not…
Happy Honey Mooning!!!!
(Now this is a fun advice piece on sex…lets not take it too seriously…life is too short!)